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Exorcise A. Who loves you? Write down a line from the poem that matches the following fears:
1. Dangerous animals - Too many people being gnawed to shreds.
2. Airplane travel - I worry about you travelling in those mystical machines.
3. Attacks in dark alleyways - Nightly people end their lives in the shortcut.
4. Bombs in restaurants and shops - All the time people are burnt in public places.
5. Gangs of thugs - The loveless men and homeless boys are out there and angry.
6. Skin cancer from sunlight - Don't lie down on the sands where the hole in the sky is.
Exorcise B. Fear. Write down Arnel's diary for that day, including his thoughts on the outcome of the interview.
Dear diary.
This morning I woke from another nightmare. I was screaming like insane.
In my dream, I was back in my old bed, and I could hear them coming - the faceless men. I heard the sound of their heavy boots on the stairs. They shattered my door and jerked me out of bed. It was awful and it took me several minutes, after waking up, to shake off the fear and recognise the ordinary sounds of England - the noises of the buses and cars on Willesden High Street.
Today was the day of my final interview with the committee. Today was the day, when they were going to decide whether or not I could be granted refugee status.
As I combed my dark hair and knotted my tie I couldn't help but worrying. What if they didn't believe me?
Later on in the bus, on my way to the interview, I could feel the other passengers' apprehension. They looked at my briefcase and checked if I had any suspicious bulges under my cloak. Well, I suppose, I couldn't blame them. It's just three week since a guy, who looked like me, blew himself and 23 other persons into pieces…. but still, I wish, they would say something. They just stood there, looking at me with fear in their eyes.
Actually I felt like a stowaway passenger. I remembered how it felt having the feeling of near panic. In my past it was there all the time….. - What if the guy next to you in the bus was a secret policeman, an informer or a suicide bomber?
It was really an odd feeling standing there! I, who once was a victim of terror, was now the cause of such unease.
As I was standing in front of the familiar door reading the sign: Immigration and Asylum Commission. Knock and enter, I felt a lump of tension in my throat slowly rising. It reminded me of all of the examinations, I had been through, but still it wasn't the same at all. Today could mean the difference between life and death.
Nervous I straightened my tie, knocked and entered.
Behind the door was a large, round room. Behind a desk, in the back of the back of the room, a tough looking lady sat. She looked at over me, over her glasses and I wasn't sure what to do, so I just stood there looking at her to. After a while she cleared her throat and said "name?"
I was still standing. I knew what my name is, but it came like a shock. I don't know why. She looked at me once more; "you're name please". In spite of the fact that my mind was about to walk in the other way, I mumbled: Arnel.
She sent me into a room to wait. I was there for about 5 minutes when a fat man with a moustache came out and said they were ready for me. At this time my brain had turned itself of. All I could do as nod and follow him. On my way into the room I kept thinking about the faceless men. What if I was going back to them?
In the 3 men sat. They asked for my name, my birthday, address and reason to be in England. Then they send me home - and here I am. There's nothing I can do but wait for the letter with their answer. The letter that will tell whether I live or die.
- Arnel.
Exorcise C. Write about your worries and fears and how you deal with them.
To:
The Editor
Modern Life Magazine
210 Fleet Street
London EC4A
Dear Life Magazine.
A wise man once told me; fear is only in our minds, but it's taking over all our time.
I think he's right. I have a lot of fears - I fear life more than anything in the world. When I was younger I got rid of my frustration and fear by cutting and taking pills. I was trying to make my life easier by ruining it. Taking a blade and slowly let it slit my wrists.
This only made it worse. It released other fears and worries. What if my parents caught me, while I was cutting my arms into pieces and taking pill after pill?
That I hide. Hide from my parents, hide from my friends, hide from the school, and last, but not least, hide from myself.
I spent my days in my room, with the lights cut, the curtains down and the loud speakers yelling heavy metal out loud.
I got more and more scared and twisted. My mind told me people hated me - that the world would be better without me, but somewhere, deep inside of me, I knew it was wrong. Even though they didn't show it, I knew my parents loved me.
I've realised that it's stupid feeling like that. I stood up and got over it.
A fear is something I think everybody has. It's not a thing you can get rid of nor solve, like in my case, by hurting yourself. You have to face it - you have to live with it.
In my eyes, a person who can admit their fears will almost be the king of the world.
I think it's important to, and I try myself, walk through your fear - go through it and face the prospect - maybe you can be "The King of the World" in my world.
When I'm scared myself, which I am most of the time; I have a tendency to take the easy way, without facing my fears. Time after time I regret it. In the future I'll try to walk through them, to defeat them.
Thanks for great reading, week after week.
- Sofie Hardis.
