A little boy went up to his mother and asked: 'Mum, where did my intelligence come from?'
The mother replied: 'Well, son, you must have got it from your father, cause I still have mine.'

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'
'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband.
'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.'

Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's ten best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's ten best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over and two claimed that he was still there.

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose. The two lads objected strongly. 'Last year we got six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours.' Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down. Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy and Mick survived the crash. After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick,'Any idea where we are?'
Mick replied, 'I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year.'

Teacher puts 2x + 5x2 ÷ -8 + 21a on the board and tells me, "solve the problem"... So i got up, and erased the board, problem solved

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a prostate exam. Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted.
The waiting room was filled with patients. As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. I gave her my name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, "YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?"
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man.
But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A @!#$ CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.
The room erupted in applause! DON'T MESS WITH OLD RETIRED GUYS!!!

A rich older man was married to a sexy younger woman.
After several years of a very happy marriage, he had a heart attack. The doctor advised him that in order to prolong his life, they should restrain @!#$.
He and his wife discussed the matter and decided that he should sleep in the family room downstairs and wife upstairs to save them both from temptation.
One night, after several weeks of this, he decided that life without @!#$ wasn't worth living.
So he headed upstairs. He met his wife half-way on the staircase and said, "I was coming up to die."
She laughed and replied, "I was just coming down to kill you!"

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of God!'
'Go! Go! Go! For Gods Sake , GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for GOD! Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was a Hawaiian good luck sign. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

This old man was 85 and he harried a young girl about 25. a year after they were married they had a child . The nurse asked him how he did it and he said that he had to keep his motor running. This happened three times in a row and the nurse asked him the same question and he gave the same answer that he had to keep his motor running. after the third one was born the nurse asked him how he did it and he gave the same answer that he had to keep his motor running. The nurse told him that he should change his oil because this one was black.